I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
