does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
