gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Princesses don't give blow jobs
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
