K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
