i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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