You smell like a Billy Joel song
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
