He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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