shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
