Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
