i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
