the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
