i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
