she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
