No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
