went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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