I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
