Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
