I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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