I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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