So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
