Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
