You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
