Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
