We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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