first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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