I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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