she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
