that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
