I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
