You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
