I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize