FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
How does one acquire holy water?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
