He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
