Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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