I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
