what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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