He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
