I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
