I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
