I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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