I looked at my own cervix.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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