My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize