The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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