First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Randomize