The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize