I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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