You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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