told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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