I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
