you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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