I'm going to jail i love you
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
