I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
