I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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