Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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