Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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