bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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