They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
