My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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