you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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