Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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