She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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