There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
