I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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