So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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