So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
