Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
